Just Frances

It’s been more than a year since I’ve updated this site. Not because I’m out of beta; not because I’m magically healed; not because I’ve ‘moved on’—because you never really do move on from widowhood; you just learn to cope with it.

This blog was started at a time when I really needed the extreme grief outlet, but also at a time when I couldn’t bring myself to share everything with everyone. Some of that was the negative response I got to my public displays of grief from some people, but some was also my own uneasy feelings with sharing my grief alongside my mundane or even happy thoughts and activities.

So I started a personal blog (Just Frances) a few months after I started this one, keeping my grief here. But slowly, I started to share more and more of my emotions over at Just Frances. And eventually, I stopped posting here because I was getting everything I needed there.

Of course, that means I’ve left readers of Frances 3.0 out in the cold—you’ve gotten the grief but you’ve been denied the ability to see that beta models have some pretty awesome things happening along with the glitches.

To that, this will [most likely] be my last post here, and instead I’m offering a formal invitation to you to join me over at Just Frances: Made with 100% pure awesomeness.

If you’ve stumbled on this blog as a grieving widow(er), I hope that my other blog can stand as proof that—no matter how much widowhood sucks—there are happy futures out there for those who seek them. (Sadly, the grief still seems to tag along!)

If you’ve stumbled on this blog as a reader of Just Frances, I hope you don’t take this ‘other blog’ as some sort of emotional secrecy or blog affair. The apartheid was one of my [many] coping mechanisms.

If you’ve always been a follower of both: Aren’t you glad to know that my insanity will now be consolidated?

June 2, 2011 at 5:42 pm Leave a comment

Stone crosses; Part two

It’s been about six months since I started working with the monument company on Paul’s headstone and I’ve finally seen the first photos of the work in progress. It’s taken a while to get to this point but only because I’ve been very cautious about making decisions too quickly. However, once I knew everything was right, I was ready to just get it done!

Continue Reading June 16, 2010 at 10:09 am Leave a comment

Stuff: His, Mine, Ours

I have a house full of stuff. Stuff I accumulated before I ever met Paul. Stuff Paul accumulated before he ever met me. Stuff we accumulated together. It’s funny, the stuff I accumulated before meeting Paul doesn’t seem important anymore. It’s his stuff and our stuff that has my mind consumed.

Continue Reading June 12, 2010 at 11:54 am Leave a comment

The big steps are the scariest

I met with my real estate agent today. He came into my home and looked around; he’d not seen it since shortly after we moved in and a lot had changed. I remember when Paul and I first met with him. He said he wasn’t going to be our agent for this one purchase – that he’d be there when we were ready to sell and buy something bigger. (Though our home is nearly as big as both of our childhood homes combined so I doubt we’d have been looking for more space.) We always knew we’d call him again. We always knew we’d be selling on at some point so that we could move back to Scotland with our children and future firmly in our grasp. I never imagined I’d be making the call on my own – and without knowing what the next chapter in life would bring.

Continue Reading June 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm 2 comments


I feel stuck some days. Frozen in this place of fear; this place with an uncertain future. I guess I thought what so many people thought: that after a year, things would get better; that after a year I would start to feel “normal” again. But here’s a little secret: in some ways, it gets more difficult.

Continue Reading June 8, 2010 at 12:08 pm 3 comments

There is a difference

Being an early adopter of Widowhood means not only learning the kinks and bugs on my own, but it also means that I have to explain things to others who aren’t looking to buy but are curious about the program none-the-less. It also means that I have to explain that, no, Widowhood, Singledom, and Divorcee are not, in fact, the same bit of software in a different package. And, of course, the less-popular “Widowhood for the Young” sub-version is considerably less understood which adds an extra layer of frustration to both the users and those peering into the window.

Continue Reading June 3, 2010 at 11:38 am Leave a comment

Anything but late

“How do you refer to your husband when talking to other people?”

That’s a question often asked by young widows, uncertain of how to acknowledge their spouse without upsetting those around them – or themselves. It makes me wonder if this is a question and concern of even “traditional” (i.e.: elderly) widows. (Expect a post on the “age of widows” one of these day…) We are accustomed to hearing older women talk about their “late” spouses, and they appear to use the term with such grace and ease. Almost as if it’s a natural progression to add the word in front of husband. Almost as if there is a formal dictation that says a man goes from being a boyfriend to a fiance to a husband to a late husband – and so it is written; and so it shall be.

Continue Reading June 2, 2010 at 9:15 am Leave a comment

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March 2020