Archive for September, 2009

The confluence of seasons

There’s a crispness in the air now that the fall as started to settle in after a long summer. I’ve always enjoyed the confluence of seasons; it’s an awkward meeting between weather patterns—one anxious to begin its reign whilst the other tries in vain to retain its glory. There will be a few weeks of battle before the summer finally fades, giving way to the changing colors of the trees.

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Continue Reading September 28, 2009 at 9:44 pm Leave a comment

It’s not contagious

I met a man the other day who lost his wife not long ago. He is now faced with raising his young children alone, and is feeling very lost in the world without his partner. And I hate that I understand oh-so-well what that means. While it’s not nice to learn that someone else is walking this lonely path of widow(er)hood, I found it oddly comforting to hear his words of confusion as to why the world seems so afraid of us. I suppose that his similar experiences help me feel a little less self-conscious about my own place in the world.

Continue Reading September 24, 2009 at 9:03 am 3 comments

Finding the things I can control, and taking charge

When I was operating Frances 2.0, I would most often be found with amazing vintage accessories—mostly in the form of handbags from the 1920s-60s. (And bonus points to Paul for encouraging my vintage accessory collection so much that he allowed me the largest closet in the house to store it all!) But when the occasion called for it I would use a “modern” bag because they tend to be more practical if you want to carry more useless junk.

Continue Reading September 17, 2009 at 6:57 pm Leave a comment

Do I have the courage to start over?

I’m in this really weird place right now where I don’t want to let go of the past but I don’t want to move forward. I really loved my old future. I worked really hard and was rewarded with a wonderful husband, a lovely home, and a job I enjoyed. I was just about to have the added reward of two lovely children to call me Mom. My future looked amazing and I was really excited to have such a great life. I was going to grow old with Paul, and the two of us were going to play with our grandchildren one day…

Continue Reading September 15, 2009 at 10:21 pm Leave a comment

I hate fancy hotels

I spent the last few days in a fancy-schmancy hotel in downtown Seattle. And being there made me realize how much I miss Paul; how very lonely I am without him. I was in Seattle for work—a bi-annual event that Paul would normally accompany me to. We’d stay in the fancy hotel, go out for a fancy dinner, then sit in the hotel lounge drinking martinis in our best “la-de-da” fashion. I always looked forward to these trips because of the time I’d spend with Paul.

Continue Reading September 13, 2009 at 9:51 pm Leave a comment

First holiday

I’m taking a holiday in November, and I should be extremely excited about it. I’m going to Scotland, the place where I feel most at home, despite the fact that it’s nearly 6,000 miles from where I’m from. It’s still more than two months away, but I’m already finding myself anxious about the trip.

Continue Reading September 8, 2009 at 11:24 pm Leave a comment

Venice: A random happy memory

It’s not all doom and gloom in my mind. Some days—most days—I think about the happy moments I shared with Paul and I even manage a laugh or a smile in between tears. Today I got to thinking about our trip to Venice, Italy, way back in spring 2004. It was truly one of my most memorable holidays. Ever.

Continue Reading September 6, 2009 at 9:15 pm Leave a comment

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