Archive for November, 2009

When sadness hits

I’ve gotten quite good at forgetting that I’m a widow at times. I can be rather comfortable laughing and joking and just being ‘in the moment’ when the times call for it. Over the last two days, I’ve been on the game. Traveling for work with the bosses and working hard to make a great impression for our first-ever benefit auction was easier than I thought, really. Maybe more so because everyone knows that even though I look the part of a ‘normal’ person, they all know that I am still grieving and expect that I will be a bit sad from time-to-time. And when I get around people who are OK with my laughter and grief being combined, I relax and find it easier to be myself.

Continue Reading November 24, 2009 at 9:41 am Leave a comment

Things get easier with a second take

I’ve found myself at a fancy hotel for work once again. It’s one of those really fancy rooms with a separate living room and a bathroom bigger than most people’s bedrooms. This trip comes right before my holidays, and I’ve been psyching myself up for it for a while now, trying to figure out how to make it bearable. While my last stay at a fancy hotel was miserable and gloomy, this trip has started out to be fairly positive and slightly empowering.

Continue Reading November 22, 2009 at 9:51 pm Leave a comment

A comforting visit

I went to visit Paul’s grave site at the weekend and realized that it might be the last time I’m able to sit there and talk to him until the spring because of all the snow. I took a small chair with me, and trekked through the snow, then sat there in the cold talking to him.

Continue Reading November 16, 2009 at 6:00 pm Leave a comment

First snow’s sorrow

The first flakes of snow have started to hit the region and while it’s blanketing the ground with soft, white flakes, my heart and soul feel like they are being weighed down with sorrow. I didn’t expect a simple weather change to affect me so profoundly and I’m finding it a little hard to cope with the thought of a long winter.

Continue Reading November 13, 2009 at 11:02 pm Leave a comment

A widow lives in my body

Just a quick share today: While reading a blog post by another widow, I saw this quote and it just seemed so fitting and true to how I feel most days.

“A widow lives in my body and I don’t know her. I don’t know how she’ll act. I don’t know what to expect from her. I can’t let her out in public.”
-Jennifer Kennedy Dean

From Gleanings

November 10, 2009 at 11:05 pm Leave a comment

A lost focus

As strange as it sounds, there are days when I wish I could go back to day one of the grieving process and start over. It’s not that I want to re-live those first horrible weeks—because I don’t—but I wish that I’d given myself the time I needed to just sit and grieve. As I keep working on the glitches with that came with Frances 3.0, I realize that I never really gave myself the time I needed to get used to the fact that Frances 2.0 doesn’t work anymore. I didn’t give myself time to test drive the new version before taking it public.

Continue Reading November 9, 2009 at 11:20 pm Leave a comment

When you lose someone you love, your life becomes strange

A while ago I shared with you the Desiderata, a poem that has always meant so much to me and reflects my views of a happier world that is waiting for me. It’s a rare poem in that it truly speaks to me and I feel a connection to it. Tonight, I heard another poem that struck a chord with me: For Grief, by John O’Donahue. It is the first time I’ve heard someone else’s words so accurately describe the grief I feel. I hope others find the same peace from the words that I have.

Continue Reading November 3, 2009 at 11:10 pm 2 comments


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