Archive for June, 2010

Stone crosses; Part two

It’s been about six months since I started working with the monument company on Paul’s headstone and I’ve finally seen the first photos of the work in progress. It’s taken a while to get to this point but only because I’ve been very cautious about making decisions too quickly. However, once I knew everything was right, I was ready to just get it done!

Continue Reading June 16, 2010 at 10:09 am Leave a comment

Stuff: His, Mine, Ours

I have a house full of stuff. Stuff I accumulated before I ever met Paul. Stuff Paul accumulated before he ever met me. Stuff we accumulated together. It’s funny, the stuff I accumulated before meeting Paul doesn’t seem important anymore. It’s his stuff and our stuff that has my mind consumed.

Continue Reading June 12, 2010 at 11:54 am Leave a comment

The big steps are the scariest

I met with my real estate agent today. He came into my home and looked around; he’d not seen it since shortly after we moved in and a lot had changed. I remember when Paul and I first met with him. He said he wasn’t going to be our agent for this one purchase – that he’d be there when we were ready to sell and buy something bigger. (Though our home is nearly as big as both of our childhood homes combined so I doubt we’d have been looking for more space.) We always knew we’d call him again. We always knew we’d be selling on at some point so that we could move back to Scotland with our children and future firmly in our grasp. I never imagined I’d be making the call on my own – and without knowing what the next chapter in life would bring.

Continue Reading June 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm 2 comments

Stuck

I feel stuck some days. Frozen in this place of fear; this place with an uncertain future. I guess I thought what so many people thought: that after a year, things would get better; that after a year I would start to feel “normal” again. But here’s a little secret: in some ways, it gets more difficult.

Continue Reading June 8, 2010 at 12:08 pm 1 comment

There is a difference

Being an early adopter of Widowhood means not only learning the kinks and bugs on my own, but it also means that I have to explain things to others who aren’t looking to buy but are curious about the program none-the-less. It also means that I have to explain that, no, Widowhood, Singledom, and Divorcee are not, in fact, the same bit of software in a different package. And, of course, the less-popular “Widowhood for the Young” sub-version is considerably less understood which adds an extra layer of frustration to both the users and those peering into the window.

Continue Reading June 3, 2010 at 11:38 am Leave a comment

Anything but late

“How do you refer to your husband when talking to other people?”

That’s a question often asked by young widows, uncertain of how to acknowledge their spouse without upsetting those around them – or themselves. It makes me wonder if this is a question and concern of even “traditional” (i.e.: elderly) widows. (Expect a post on the “age of widows” one of these day…) We are accustomed to hearing older women talk about their “late” spouses, and they appear to use the term with such grace and ease. Almost as if it’s a natural progression to add the word in front of husband. Almost as if there is a formal dictation that says a man goes from being a boyfriend to a fiance to a husband to a late husband – and so it is written; and so it shall be.

Continue Reading June 2, 2010 at 9:15 am Leave a comment

Changing rooms

I moved the bed around in my room yesterday. It’s the first “big” change since Paul died more than a year ago. I suppose I did it because I could, not because I wanted to. And I don’t know how long I’ll leave it that way. I had also considered taking over “his” side of the bed as it would be more convenient, but whilst I don’t have a preferred side, he did and I just can’t take over what was his. I know – it’s all mine now.

Continue Reading June 1, 2010 at 2:25 pm Leave a comment


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